Like many other qualities, kindness and compassion is something children learn over time. With practice, children learn to recognize sadness and pain in others. And respond with empathy. Research has shown that humans are pre-disposed to be sensitive to pain in other people, even if we don’t personally know them.
Even a 2-year-old can recognize when their playmate is upset and may try to comfort them with a toy. They may not have the words to describe the feeling but they recognize the tears. By age 3 and 4, children grow to understand the feelings of others. Slightly older children are better able to describe, understand, and empathize with kids their age.
All this means it’s never too early to model kind behavior for your kids and have discussions about compassion. It’s never too late either, so don’t fret about when is the right time to teach kindness and empathy. Here are a few ways you can help your children be kind and practice empathy:
Help them recognize and identify their feelings
Parenting often feels overwhelming, there’s never enough time to do everything that needs to be done. But the first step to cultivating empathy is to help kids recognize and identify their feelings. Depending on your child’s age, it’s a good idea to ask them how they feel in various situations.
Take care not to emphasize only the sad or fearful situations. Encourage them to talk about their feelings when they’re happy, when they get a gift from someone, or when they achieve something. It’s just as important for kids to identify happiness, joy, and kindness as it is to recognize fear, anger, and sadness.
Encourage them to think about the feelings of others
Another practical thing you can do is to stop frequently and talk about how other people feel. Kids need to learn that other people have feelings too, just like them. Point out situations in real life and media (books and movies) and ask them to describe how they think that person is feeling.
When a kid falls in the playground, prompt your kids to think about how the child is feeling. Ask them how they would feel if it happened to them or talk about a similar situation in their own lives.
Give them opportunities to come up with their ideas
Showing kindness and compassion means doing something to help the other person. Instead of simply telling your kids to share their toys, help them come up with their ideas on how they can help. For instance, children outgrow their toys and books quite quickly. Instead of just donating them, ask your kids how those toys can be used to bring joy to others.
Do a bit of narration when you help others, talking about your feelings and theirs. When your child shows compassion, be sure to acknowledge it. It shows your kids that you value kindness and expect it from them.
Be kind yourself and to yourself
As with any other behavior, teaching kindness to your children means modeling it yourself. Children rarely understand kindness when you only talk about it. You need to show them that you practice it every day.
Being kind to others is no different from being kind to yourself. It’s hard to extend compassion to others when you’re not feeling good. Make sure to do things you love and you’ll find being kind to others becomes easier. This is a valuable lesson to teach children and it’s good to start early.
Celebrate differences and include everyone
In this ever-changing world, our children will meet others who are different right from day one. They will see kids with different skin tones, physical characteristics, and atypical family groups. It’s impossible to ignore those differences, instead celebrate them.
Cultivate relationships with families who are different from yours. Encourage your children to ask questions about those differences but in a polite manner. Be kind and respectful towards others and kids will learn these valuable lessons with ease.
Read books and discuss them
Read books and stories that emphasize kindness and point them out to your children. Don’t take it for granted that they understand what’s being said. It’s up to you to help them recognize and feel kindness. It’s also easier to talk about compassion when you are calm and relaxed, as opposed to when you’re on a busy playground.
It’s important to talk about empathy and kindness in terms of how they can make us feel. Show your children that helping others makes us happy and spreads kindness in the world. Small acts of kindness should become part of your daily life, so kids feel it all the time. Feeling kindness is the best way to cultivate the quality in kids, not only reading or talking about it.